i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
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I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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