Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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