Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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