I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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