I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize