She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
