walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I party with great urgency now.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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