as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
