So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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