I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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