she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize