I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
