You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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