I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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