I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
