Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
