You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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