if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
