Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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