my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize