i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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