Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
