I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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