that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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