i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
