Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
