Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
