I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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