she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
