you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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