Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
