community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
