Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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