I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
