I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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