Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Found the puke drawer
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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