Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
