watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
