"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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