y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so explain again why im purple
no
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
