I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
