I can text with my tongue
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You dont lie about slip and slides
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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