does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
