Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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