My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
