Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
