It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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