we made out on top of his cat.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
