Porn is love you can see.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
