my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
