I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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