The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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