Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
