He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
