This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
