I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
