There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
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last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
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Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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