Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
