Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
