Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
