hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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