3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
