nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
