apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
