I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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