Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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