yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
