last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
